Canine Psychology Pillows

"She looks slow—but watch how fast she moves when I put this disgusting thing in my mouth."

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Dog Nightmares

Tiny dog catches frisbee that spins him around in circles.

10 K Tail-Chase

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

Dog Obedience School: 'I think we're going to have our work cut out with this one.'

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

We're halfway through teaching her to roll over.

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

'That's right...he'll lick you to death.'

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

'Sure, he acts like he's into you now, but, trust me...he's only interested in one thing.'

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

Fido and Fifi

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

"Last night I dreamed I caught my tail."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'