Canine Psychology Pillows

"She looks slow—but watch how fast she moves when I put this disgusting thing in my mouth."

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

Dog Obedience School: 'I think we're going to have our work cut out with this one.'

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

We're halfway through teaching her to roll over.

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

'That's right...he'll lick you to death.'

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"Last night I dreamed I caught my tail."

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

Fido and Fifi

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'