Canals Gifts

'No Jean, hardly anyone stops to watch us operate the locks any more since Reg introduced his 'pay to view' system...'

"I treated myself to a barge pole. I thought I'd push the boat out."

Sea Link, Seal Ink

'Don't ask me why but he feels a great deal of pride in calling it his 'man-cave'.'

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

He looks so natural lying there...

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Mr. Punch in Venice

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

'He loved that dog.'

The discovery of electricity...

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'This cave is really damp... and squidgy underfoot'

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

'I was fixin' to fill you full o' lead, Clanton, but it looks like that there stalactite done the job for me!'

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

'I just have an eerie feeling about this cave.'

"Time passes much more slowly in the other dimension, so take these sudokus."

"Only 10,000 more years and we'll be together forever, my darling."

Bats with blankets.

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"Gesundheit!"

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

'Daddy's busy - Go draw on the wall.'

"It looks as if Bodecker's project has gotten completely out of hand."

A dead business executive is lowered into the grave with his desk

Dead Man's Handel

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

After years of pointless therapy, Morris took up speleology and finally found himself.