Campaign Mastermind Gifts

'A spin doctor just isn't enough any more, Senator - you need a choreographer.'

"We're looking for the kind of bad taste that will grab - but not appall."

"Good boy."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

'If only every year was an election year.'

Political convention

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'It's some more story ideas from Francis Bacon.'

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

An informed voter is a good voter

"I believe we have a quorum for the meeting."

Elections

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'Son, voting isn't a rational procedure by which one strategically selects an electable candidate who will best serve your interests. Voting is an emotional response to your gut level fears!'

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

'What's the difference? Some people call it privatizing government. Others call it super pacs buying congressmen.'

"The team needs LEADERSHIP, anyone have a view on that?"

I want to be a politician when I grow up...

'Harold is the brains behind the Smudge-o-Rama mailer.'

The following is a paid political announcement.

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

2020 Republican Party National Convention

'The candidates campaign promises have been re-named campaign ideas to avoid lawsuits.'

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

America's funniest election gaffes

LAST-MINUTE CAMPAIGN STOP

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.