Campaign Maestro Gifts

No Electioneering Beyond this Point

"Good boy."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Political convention

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

An informed voter is a good voter

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

Elections

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'Remember, Henson; we're not here to hobnob - we're here to schmooze.'

'Son, voting isn't a rational procedure by which one strategically selects an electable candidate who will best serve your interests. Voting is an emotional response to your gut level fears!'

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

'What's the difference? Some people call it privatizing government. Others call it super pacs buying congressmen.'

"I didn't get where I am by trying to please."

I want to be a politician when I grow up...

The following is a paid political announcement.

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

2020 Republican Party National Convention

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.

LAST-MINUTE CAMPAIGN STOP

'The candidates campaign promises have been re-named campaign ideas to avoid lawsuits.'

America's funniest election gaffes

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

Election 2020

"We're looking for the kind of bad taste that will grab - but not appall."

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

'Psst! Wanna Buy A Democracy?'

"Do you take dark money?"

SupermarketAwful Market.

"I see you've flown around the world in a plane, and settled revolutions in Spain. Around a golf course you're under par. Metro-Goldwyn has asked you to star. Very impressive, I must admit, but we're looking for someone with marketing experience."