Corporate Maestro Gifts

"I didn't get where I am by trying to please."

'My staff and I are in conference right now trying to find a harmonious solution to the problem.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"The meeting will come to order."

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

"I need to see your budget proposal."

What can I do? He says it's his thinking cap.

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

"Dammit, Johnson. You've got to start thinking outside of the box."

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'I'm sorry but I'm afraid the corporation is going in a different direction.'

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"Who called this meeting again?"