Callous Conqueror Gifts

"We're headin' into town. 'Course I'm gonna moisturize."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

What My Day Feels Like

Keeping warm.

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

Second lifeReal life.

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"Our Rupert has swopped his gaming console for bagpipes...it gets us out of the house more often."

Trays on desk read: In/Out/Lose in the Shuffle.

A guide to seasons in the North East

Finally! A cure for the common cold!

'Are you kidding, Billy? We climbed all the way up Everest and you forgot the freaking sleds?!'

IN OUT UP DOWN AND ALL AROUND

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

'Hand over the last one now kid or you're getting my fist for Christmas!'

In Tray, Out Tray, and Shredded Paper Tray

"Let's take it again from the top...but this time with more fillings."

College student cleans messy dorm room littered with clothes with leafsnow blower

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"Looting and plundering! Looting and plundering! There must be more to life!...."

"So I bought this doohickey that is very good with chaos."

"My name is Van Gelsing, Madame. I'm an expert in cleaning teenagers' rooms. If you need me, just give me a call, okay?"

The inevitable conflict of interest facing every crisis manager.

Time Management Conultancy - Out, Out

'You can't keep a middle school girl from wanting to impress boys, Valerie.'

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

'I can't remember the title,but it was on a little white piece of paper.'

Arctic Weather vs Utility Bills

'My, that's some cavity' (words echo on)

The horn of paper

'Some people feel they've entered a dark, claustrophobic place, from which there's no escape...'

Office De-cluttering

'Quick, shut the door! The flu!'