Calamity Buffer Gifts

'Before you start in officer would you mind getting me a glass of water?'

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

Presidential surveillance ass!"

Santa CGI Effect

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

'How was your holiday?'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Hunting - No. XII

'Boy, look at his personal space!'

'I wish you'd hurry and decide which film you're going to sleep through.'

"Ahoy!"

'The good thing about Global Warming it that winters are shorter. We don't need to store so much food anymore...'

'Polar bear or no polar bear, I'm cold.'

'...I know it's a good discount but we don't need double glazing!'

'I've lost my job, my wife and kids, the house, what the hell else could possibly go wrong?!"

"Wow, I did not see that coming."

"Is it cold in here or is it just the Ice Age?"

Planning Department.

"Right, you've got 17 pints of lager and 30 minutes...get going."

The Vicar in Customs

"I don't even like toys. I just do this so people won't talk to me."

'No ice for me thanks, I'm sick of ice everywhere..'

"Oh year?! Well, MY daddy is the largest of the largest animal species on earth!"

Where did you get this?...Widescreen. Squirrels gone wild. DVD. (Originally published on 2009-02-08).

"Sorry I'm late - I got caught in another avalanche."

'Tomorrow, it may be warm and sunny... or cold and snowy... or rainy... or... hey, it depends on the weather, folks!'

"May I see your planning application?"

'Eureka may or may NOT be the most appropriate response, I think we need to set up a policy committee to consider developing a policy that encapsulates...'

A tree that only days earlier was standing perfectly upright on its own.

Accountancy Awards - "And the winner is..."

Batteries Not Included.

'Congratulations, you've sworn the oath of British Citizenship.'

'Now that's what I call camouflage. My dog can't even find me.'

Batteries Not Included.

"Yippee! I'm right!"