Cafeteria Warrior Gifts

"Will I get extra credit if I agree to eat the cafeteria hash?"

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

Cafe Burns.

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"I didn't realize there was so many different kinds of vegetables!"

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"I tried to hire a hamburger fry cook from a fast food joint for our cafeteria but he wouldn't take the cut in pay."

Vending machines: Caffeine, Sugar and Carbs.

"My depression is currently being treated with a combination of prescription medication and low-fat frozen yogurt."

Super express lane for working mothers only!

'Eating again. What's happened to your weight lifting?'

"Oh yes, I proudly served."

The vow of silence. Some days it was really hard to keep.

Biocafeteraologist

"Don't think you can just put the on the costume and replace Jeff."

"They love me...they really, really love me!"

'First you feel shock, then anger, and finally remorse. It's the three stages of grief when buying the tuna sandwich.'

'Too late. The spelling test was first period.'

"Five kids have signed my petition. We'd like to have vegetarian options on the cafeteria menu. To help, I've put together a few recipes of my own."

'I didn't know it was so dangerous. . . Mac's coffee.'

"Somebody found a finger in a salad?!"

'I burnt my hand in hot water.' - 'Why didn't you feel it before putting your hand in?'

'What's intravenous feeding? My mom says if I don't eat my vegetables, she'd do that to me!'

'C'mon. Just a few counties can't hurt.'

"At last...after so many missed days...so many cruel days apart...we are together once again!"

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

"I can't believe Tia Carmen is working in our cafeteria! This bites! How can she do this to me?"

"Well if bread's free, and gravy's free, how about bread and gravy?"