Cable Tv Loyalist Gifts

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

'Yessir, Ben us fly fisherman answer to a higher calling.'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

'This is your idea of hitting the local hotspots?'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."

"Please feel free to browse."

Nearly a third of the earth's life-forms have gone extinct. Cut! Stop with all the facts. This is debate club! But we're using a cable tv talk show format! What should I say? Unsupported opinions

'I want someone who'll not just take the firms line, but the hook and sinker, too.'

I don't want to buy anything. I don't want to upgrade. Watch this! What are you doing? Looking at an ad for the new Mac laptop. My heart's not racing! What's wrong with me?! It is sleek.

"This is as far as your air miles take you."

"As a voter, I don't follow any party line, I follow a cable channel."

"I wonder why the kids named me Mourinho? I hope it's not because I'll only last a few days..."

"And THEN, and THIS is the CLEVER bit...We put our advertising logo on the front of all our clothing and make people PAY for the privilege."

Minutes since the TV broke.

'Surely you could have missed one episode of Eastenders !!'

'When did you first become a Fruit-of-the-Loom guys groupie?'

Liverpool FC Chairman - "It's Man United, they want to know if we've any trophy cabinets going spare."

'That's what I like about him, he always pays his round.'

Walkies.

"The doctor says you can go home. We'll get cable."

"That's it! I'm giving up TV! Every single show is awesome! So now nothing is worth watching."

'Don't bother showing me your tattoo of the company logo... you're still fired.'

Policemen Bill and Alf in police car.

Arsene Wenger's piggy bank and Andre Villas Boas.

"How old were you before you discovered our football song wasn't the national anthem?"

"This medication may interact with paying your rent and being able to afford cable."

'I'm all for belt-tightening, darling. Trouble is I can't decide which belt - Prada or Gucci?'

Reality Football

Jimmy's not a member of our rewards program.

'This is great! -- since he got cable, he hasn't had time to oppress anybody!'

'You read? What kind of entertainment is that?'

Items From the Jay Leno Fan Club