Television Loyalist Gifts

'Surely you could have missed one episode of Eastenders !!'

'Yessir, Ben us fly fisherman answer to a higher calling.'

'Einsteiners.'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

'I'll sure be glad when somebody invents cable!'

Captive Audience at the World Cup.

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

We interrupt this program to bring you, Tommy, a message from you teacher. Have you finished your report on frogs?

God with Earth Controller

When Someone Says Biden Sucks, You Are Supposed to Have a Good Answer

Reserved Parking

Voter impatience.

"Please feel free to browse."

Watching telly

Unable to get going each day without her dose of Katie Couric, Lois shifted her schedule to be in sync with the star's new evening news job.

"I told him he was allowed one phone call. He's making a pledge to Channel 13."

TV and man

'I want someone who'll not just take the firms line, but the hook and sinker, too.'

I don't want to buy anything. I don't want to upgrade. Watch this! What are you doing? Looking at an ad for the new Mac laptop. My heart's not racing! What's wrong with me?! It is sleek.

Are they dangerous? Only if I shut off the tv.

'There's nothing worth watching on TV, but he's not going to let a little thing like that stop him.'

"And THEN, and THIS is the CLEVER bit...We put our advertising logo on the front of all our clothing and make people PAY for the privilege."

The Sports Fanatic

Welcome to Fairway...The town with 536 holes of golf!

'Well at least we got him off the sofa.'

'Everything these days is influenced by television.'

'When did you first become a Fruit-of-the-Loom guys groupie?'

'...Remember, it's only going to be broadcast once!'

'Why should I go out in the real world when I have so much reality TV?'

'Greetings earthling! - Oh no, not in the middle of 'Oprah'!'

Knock loudly. I'm binge-watching Netflix.

"They went together, doctor!"

You're supposed to just copy it. The Archbishop says to knock off the ad libs!