Buzzword Wizard Gifts

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

I will study my speling words...

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

Kid in class corrects teachers spelling.

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Miss, how do you spell "acceptable"? I've Googled every "e" and can't find it.

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"It's a play on words."

Introducing...Anagraman.

'The definition of OBSOLETE: old fashioned dictionaries.'

Ninedency: A budding tendency

The Proust of Twitter

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

Woman holds report: 'This has so many different fonts in it, I thougt it was a ransom note.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

'I swear by my spell checker. I have a mental block for spelling. Even 'Hooqued on Foniks' didn't help.'

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."