Buzzword Buster Gifts

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

"You need to drop the annoying, cliched, overused buzzwords. Noncompliance will result in your being repurposed."

The Kind Of Synergy That Can Happen Only At The Office

'We just finished our meeting on raising educational standards. Please call maintenance. Please call maintenance and have them vacuum up all the educational buzzwords left on the carpeting.'

'And I'll keep raising the bar until someone comes up with a better business metaphor.'

"Simple effective communications with users is essential, so we're going to practise drilling down to identify core interpersonal information transfer methodologies to accelerate meaningful dialogue protocols."

'Do you get the feeling that, in educational workshops, there are way too many buzzwords thrown around?'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"I'm not going to lie to you, Saunders—I'm going to lie to you."

The Web 2.0 consultant.

'Actually, we were looking for someone who could think outside the box.'

Management Jargon.

More of what people often say (and what they really mean)

"It's a deal. You'll stop saying 'juxtapose' and I'll stop saying 'guesstimate.'"

"The government is currently accessing an alternative resource distribution scenario..."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

Gads. I've forgotten today's buzzword.

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"Let's skip the amenities - this is a power pick-up."

"Are you an ambitious, dynamic go-getter?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

'Sir, your tweeting coach is here.'

Final words on gravestones.

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

"Let me through, please. I know what the letters C.P.R. stand for."

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

"Can you go through all the old pitch decks and replace the word 'crypto' with 'AI'?"

Plain English group.

Management Speak - reading between the lines: "This new role would involve some extra responsibilities." "He wants me too work twice as hard."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about.'

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

'It has everything... I love it!'