Business Buzzword Buster Gifts

'I'll start with the weekly progress report. Ms. London, on my right, will act as acronym and jargon translator.'

"Head office says that transparency in communicating internally and with clients is of paramount importance..."

"I'm afraid there's little we can do to reverse the significant losses projected for our bowling team."

"We don't need, "three hundred and sixty degree thinking" on this - it's not the bloody marketing department!"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

'Sir, your tweeting coach is here.'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

Final words on gravestones.

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

"Can you go through all the old pitch decks and replace the word 'crypto' with 'AI'?"

"Let me through, please. I know what the letters C.P.R. stand for."

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

'It has everything... I love it!'

"Here comes our first V.P., Mrs. Byers, now. Mrs. Byers is results-oriented."

'Sir, what comes first ??" the buzz or the spin?'

"Excellent report! Totally incomprehensible and confusing! Not one of our board members will understand a word! Absolutely perfect!"

"You're all redundant."

"Our brand is about talking about our brand."

Communicating with clients without using buzzwords posed a challenge for the consultants.

'I'll give you this, Hargrove - Your report was a perfect blend of cliches, banalities and platitudes.'

"I work in PR where I provide a dynamic and highly effective bespoke service that can work for you and blah blah blah ..."

They had no idea what they were doing, but it didn't matter...

'I have no idea what a Wiki is but I want one on my desk next week, now move it, people!'

Gads. I've forgotten today's buzzword.