Business Buzzword Buster Gifts

'I'll start with the weekly progress report. Ms. London, on my right, will act as acronym and jargon translator.'

"Head office says that transparency in communicating internally and with clients is of paramount importance..."

"I'm afraid there's little we can do to reverse the significant losses projected for our bowling team."

"We don't need, "three hundred and sixty degree thinking" on this - it's not the bloody marketing department!"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

'Sir, your tweeting coach is here.'

Final words on gravestones.

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

"Let me through, please. I know what the letters C.P.R. stand for."

"Can you go through all the old pitch decks and replace the word 'crypto' with 'AI'?"

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

'It has everything... I love it!'

"Here comes our first V.P., Mrs. Byers, now. Mrs. Byers is results-oriented."

'Sir, what comes first ??" the buzz or the spin?'

'Worst case of buzzword overdose I've ever seen!'

"Excellent report! Totally incomprehensible and confusing! Not one of our board members will understand a word! Absolutely perfect!"

'I'll give you this, Hargrove - Your report was a perfect blend of cliches, banalities and platitudes.'

"Our brand is about talking about our brand."

I called you to this synergistic ideation to strategize methods of creating new annoying words.

They had no idea what they were doing, but it didn't matter...

"I work in PR where I provide a dynamic and highly effective bespoke service that can work for you and blah blah blah ..."

Gads. I've forgotten today's buzzword.