Business Buzzword Decipherer Gifts

"Well, now it's been explained to you, 'Market Share' does not mean we want to share the market."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

"Let me through, please. I know what the letters C.P.R. stand for."

"Can you go through all the old pitch decks and replace the word 'crypto' with 'AI'?"

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

'It has everything... I love it!'

"Here comes our first V.P., Mrs. Byers, now. Mrs. Byers is results-oriented."

'Worst case of buzzword overdose I've ever seen!'

'I have no idea what a Wiki is but I want one on my desk next week, now move it, people!'

"Our brand is about talking about our brand."

I called you to this synergistic ideation to strategize methods of creating new annoying words.

Before we begin, would somebody please bring Jenkins up to speed?

"Excellent report! Totally incomprehensible and confusing! Not one of our board members will understand a word! Absolutely perfect!"

"You're all redundant."

Gads. I've forgotten today's buzzword.

They had no idea what they were doing, but it didn't matter...

Communicating with clients without using buzzwords posed a challenge for the consultants.

'Drive 'em wild with the sweet scent of net profits exceeding forecasts due to higher gross margins and cost-cutting.'

'Do you get the feeling that, in educational workshops, there are way too many buzzwords thrown around?'

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

'The new role will involve some EXTRA responsibilities...of course you'll appreciate that there won't be any extra funding...It's a role for which you are uniquely qualified!'

"Those are not buzz words."

Boss, I've got a new idea. And it will totally empower on-demand collaboration and idea-sharing. Not again. It'll synergistically maintain error-free catalysts for change, while progressively meshing stand-alone methods of reconceptualization. Look, I've already told you. You're not getting a raise, not matter how much business jargon you use. But an extra $2 an hour would dramatically generate error-free opportunities for a tax deduction. No means no.