Buzzword Decoder Gifts

Bureaucrat/lawyer speaks legal gobbledegook to assistant with tea tray. Secretary translates: 'That'll be two sugars then.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'Sir, your tweeting coach is here.'

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

"Very few people are aware that the 'New York Times' Sunday crossword puzzle is contagious."

"Can you go through all the old pitch decks and replace the word 'crypto' with 'AI'?"

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

"Let me through, please. I know what the letters C.P.R. stand for."

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

'It has everything... I love it!'

Coffee Time Crossword

"Our brand is about talking about our brand."

'I have no idea what a Wiki is but I want one on my desk next week, now move it, people!'

Gads. I've forgotten today's buzzword.

Communicating with clients without using buzzwords posed a challenge for the consultants.

They had no idea what they were doing, but it didn't matter...

"Excellent report! Totally incomprehensible and confusing! Not one of our board members will understand a word! Absolutely perfect!"

"Well, now it's been explained to you, 'Market Share' does not mean we want to share the market."

'Do you get the feeling that, in educational workshops, there are way too many buzzwords thrown around?'

''Big Society'...paradigm shift blah! Blah! Community spirit, neighbourhood cohesion, blah! Blah! Social inputs, perceptual platforms blah! Blah!'

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

The Department of People Who Can Still Say 'Paradigm' and 'Synergy' with Straight Faces.

'Try thinking outside the cubicle.'

"Remember, we've got to dig down together as a team to create the right foundation that will benefit this entire project as a hole."

Psychobabble.

Management speak is typically used to make something seem more impressive than it is...

"Call a meeting, Miss Pendleton. I want to hear some Corporate Creole."