Buzzword Busters Gifts

Communicating with clients without using buzzwords posed a challenge for the consultants.

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

'Sir, your tweeting coach is here.'

Final words on gravestones.

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

"Let me through, please. I know what the letters C.P.R. stand for."

"Can you go through all the old pitch decks and replace the word 'crypto' with 'AI'?"

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

'It has everything... I love it!'

'Sir, what comes first ??" the buzz or the spin?'

Gads. I've forgotten today's buzzword.

"Our brand is about talking about our brand."

I called you to this synergistic ideation to strategize methods of creating new annoying words.

'I'll give you this, Hargrove - Your report was a perfect blend of cliches, banalities and platitudes.'

They had no idea what they were doing, but it didn't matter...

'I have no idea what a Wiki is but I want one on my desk next week, now move it, people!'

"I work in PR where I provide a dynamic and highly effective bespoke service that can work for you and blah blah blah ..."

"You're all redundant."

"Excellent report! Totally incomprehensible and confusing! Not one of our board members will understand a word! Absolutely perfect!"

"Well, now it's been explained to you, 'Market Share' does not mean we want to share the market."

'Do you get the feeling that, in educational workshops, there are way too many buzzwords thrown around?'

''Big Society'...paradigm shift blah! Blah! Community spirit, neighbourhood cohesion, blah! Blah! Social inputs, perceptual platforms blah! Blah!'

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

Business School - Center for the Study of Mumbo Jumbo - 3rd Floor.

The Department of People Who Can Still Say 'Paradigm' and 'Synergy' with Straight Faces.

'Try thinking outside the cubicle.'