Buzzword Busters Gifts

Communicating with clients without using buzzwords posed a challenge for the consultants.

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

'Sir, your tweeting coach is here.'

Final words on gravestones.

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

"Can you go through all the old pitch decks and replace the word 'crypto' with 'AI'?"

"Let me through, please. I know what the letters C.P.R. stand for."

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

'It has everything... I love it!'

'Sir, what comes first ??" the buzz or the spin?'

"Our brand is about talking about our brand."

'I'll give you this, Hargrove - Your report was a perfect blend of cliches, banalities and platitudes.'

Gads. I've forgotten today's buzzword.

"I work in PR where I provide a dynamic and highly effective bespoke service that can work for you and blah blah blah ..."

'I have no idea what a Wiki is but I want one on my desk next week, now move it, people!'

"You're all redundant."

They had no idea what they were doing, but it didn't matter...

"Excellent report! Totally incomprehensible and confusing! Not one of our board members will understand a word! Absolutely perfect!"

"Well, now it's been explained to you, 'Market Share' does not mean we want to share the market."

'Do you get the feeling that, in educational workshops, there are way too many buzzwords thrown around?'

''Big Society'...paradigm shift blah! Blah! Community spirit, neighbourhood cohesion, blah! Blah! Social inputs, perceptual platforms blah! Blah!'

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

The Department of People Who Can Still Say 'Paradigm' and 'Synergy' with Straight Faces.

'Try thinking outside the cubicle.'

Business School - Center for the Study of Mumbo Jumbo - 3rd Floor.

More of what people often say (and what they really mean)