Buzzword Buff Gifts

"It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free fange scientists."

'Sir, your tweeting coach is here.'

'I'm the Company's Registered Acronym Promoter but I've yet to be given a job title.'

Mangagementspeak

'Try thinking outside the cubicle.'

The Department of People Who Can Still Say 'Paradigm' and 'Synergy' with Straight Faces.

A.C.R.O.N.Y.M

"Really, I feel fine. I just want to pick up some psycho-babble."

Management consultants annual face to face interpersonal relationship development party.

'Good guess, Ferguson, but a 'neocon' isn't someone recently convicted and sentenced.'

"People complain about management consultants but without US how would anybody instigate forward facing paradigm shifts in client nourishment and product policy interaction strategisation programmes?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

Final words on gravestones.

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

"Can you go through all the old pitch decks and replace the word 'crypto' with 'AI'?"

"Let me through, please. I know what the letters C.P.R. stand for."

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

'It has everything... I love it!'

'Sir, what comes first ??" the buzz or the spin?'

'I'll give you this, Hargrove - Your report was a perfect blend of cliches, banalities and platitudes.'

"I work in PR where I provide a dynamic and highly effective bespoke service that can work for you and blah blah blah ..."

Communicating with clients without using buzzwords posed a challenge for the consultants.

"Excellent report! Totally incomprehensible and confusing! Not one of our board members will understand a word! Absolutely perfect!"

They had no idea what they were doing, but it didn't matter...

'I have no idea what a Wiki is but I want one on my desk next week, now move it, people!'