Business Buzzword Critic Gifts

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

'In conclusion, it is mission-critical that we strategically focus on a go-forward plan that is both pro active and goal-centric. Love, Bob.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

Final words on gravestones.

'Miss Hartley, implement me a coffee and a cheese danish.'

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

"'Autonomy' is the new BUZZ word! We have to unleash our staff. Professionals like you need to be free to use your own judgement, manage your own workloads...use your initiative."

"So we all agree to reduce our company motto to 'It was the least we could do'?"

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

"They got me for pillaging. How about you?"

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

"Can you go through all the old pitch decks and replace the word 'crypto' with 'AI'?"

'So this is the company's new mission statement.'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

"You know, maybe he's not the small-business man he claims to be."

"We're looking for people to fire."

"Here comes our first V.P., Mrs. Byers, now. Mrs. Byers is results-oriented."

'Sir, what comes first ??" the buzz or the spin?'

'Worst case of buzzword overdose I've ever seen!'

'I have no idea what a Wiki is but I want one on my desk next week, now move it, people!'

NOW HIRING SECRETARY, 'Oh, what the heck -- typing is overrated anyway.'

I called you to this synergistic ideation to strategize methods of creating new annoying words.

'You deserve a bonus, but of course we can't give you one. Instead, we offer a pat on the back and five atta boys.'

"I work in PR where I provide a dynamic and highly effective bespoke service that can work for you and blah blah blah ..."

"My name is Bob and I'm looking for a 'Yesirree' man."

"Our brand is about talking about our brand."

'On the agenda for this meeting is sick leave...'

"Excellent report! Totally incomprehensible and confusing! Not one of our board members will understand a word! Absolutely perfect!"