Button-mashing Father Pillows

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

'Genius! Art class and snack time!'

"Dad, I'm playing the role of the husband in our school play!"

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

"It was at this point that our wives left us."

"The head, the head! I told you, always support the baby's head!"

'We've simplified the control to 2 buttons - snooze and panic.'

"I couldn't find the off switch."

Consoles.

"It suddenly occurred to Professor Meadows that he'd not seen or heard his naughty nephew Darren for a while."

"Cousin Magdalena likes pushing Tia Carmen's buttons, doesn't she?"

Bob's Unexpected Father's Day Gift...

'Have you any other skills outside of being able to shoot down 250,000 droids in a video game?'

'May I go home now?'

Dads.

The gaming world.

Eargerness: A dangerously maladaptive emotional affliction that results from insufficient experience. Antidote: more experience.

This is a new talking copier, you've pushed the wrong button, mutton head!

'I don't know...go ask your computer.'

"No, son, a tax shelter is not where you go to rescue an accountant."

'You aren't very good with children, are you Dad?'

'Press the X button to throw the stick, the triangle button to run...'

"Please, Kaitlin, not while daddy's obsessing."

'My son has a science fair coming up and he was wondering if you wouldn't mind putting some unpopped popcorn in your mouth.'

'There's no dial tone on this.'