Guilt-ridden Dad Pillows

Dads.

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

'Your wife has had triplets. I suggest you go home and get some of the sleep you won't get in the next several years.'

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

"It was at this point that our wives left us."

"If it was HIS food dish that was empty... I know I wouldn't be able to sleep!"

Baby's first horror movies

'We'd better go home, Jimmy. We're driving your mother up the wall.'

'Just stop listening to Public Broadcasting, and your guilt complex should clear right up!'

My Gay Son Never Calls

"Do you have any video games that would help reduce my role as a father?"

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

"Daddy is making sense of things."

'What?... You're my wife and son?... Boy, do I need to have these photos updated!'

Me On A Diet: "I should not be eating this!"

'I used to be ambitious, but I find it easier to feel guilty about lack of ambition.'

'You aren't very good with children, are you Dad?'

'Shouldn't you be out in line...'

"Whenever I watch the Nature Channel I get survivor's guilt."

'Whoa!.. No wonder they think that video games are bad for us!'

"Please, Kaitlin, not while daddy's obsessing."

'I have not been able to sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I'll give you £200. If I still can't sleep, I will send you the rest.'

'Wait a minute -- you did all this stuff in a VIDEO GAME?'

"In spirit I'm an environmentalist. I love my SUV but I do my best to feel as guilty as possible when I drive it."

'My son has a science fair coming up and he was wondering if you wouldn't mind putting some unpopped popcorn in your mouth.'

Nothing. What? Stop looking at me like that. Nothing happened. HOJ. Absolutely nothing! You've sniffed me out. I'll come clean. This should be good.

'There's no dial tone on this.'

"Think of how ashamed they'd be if they knew their Father hogged the restroom key."

'My other car is electric. . . honest!'