Bunker Conqueror Gifts

"They say that once you land in that bunker, you never get out."

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"It looks like our house got sick and threw up the attic."

"I didn't spark joy."

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

"It has come to my attention that some work-from-home employees aren't maintaining company standards."

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

"Do you remember, Peg—are we on our way out or on our way back?"

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

'Congratulations on your purchase of the new Kablooey! Desk Organizer! Instructions for use...'

Fact: The average person spends 4.3 hours per week looking for things that are misplaced, misfiled or mislabeled.

'Being stuck on a desert island is one thing, but being struck on a desert island with a hoarder...'

"I discovered our home can be programmed to spit out any unnecessary clutter."

'I've misplaced everything.'

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

'Eee,love - this place gives me a great idea for the spare bedroom!'

"He said his screen is frozen again."

"Please don't interrupt Mommy when she's in her gym slash office slash living room slash cafeteria."

Planting a Flag on the Summit

The Move.

"Let's take it again from the top...but this time with more fillings."

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

God in the bunker.

'Sir, I've got a computer to avoid a giant mess but unfortunately I can't find the computer in this giant mess!'

"We really have to catch up on our New Yorkers."

"Jones is our go-to-thankless-job-guy!"

A Mom's Purse

'No good deed goes unpunished around here.'

'Well done Hopkins - I hear you cleared your in tray for the first time in twenty years.'

Categories are the key to organizing.

Access Denied!

"How was your day?"

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'Remember,Riley-as soon as you clear your desk you may leave early.'