Budget-savvy Retirees Gifts

'Can we afford to get up?'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

Overdraft limit.

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

"He was just a year away from retirement."

Security/Savings

Sunshine Retirement Villa: Pool, Golf, Tennis and Financial Planner.

"We've townsized."

"Sergio, we don't have to spend so much money on health insurance."

"Why doesn't the budget ax ever fall in the produce department?"

No Frills Psychiatrist.

Economic Experts

Wallpapering.

'Let's do something in bad taste.'

'For transportation, you get a free pair of running shoes.'

"To cut own on heating costs, we should consider house pooling."

'Do you have a house for under £70 a week? Yes and I intend to continue living there.'

"Budget cuts mean that we've had to sell the atomic force microscope."

The cheap skate - 'Separate checks, please.'

"It's time to go home and put our parents into a panic over the upcoming back to school shopping season..."

This one's got power brakes, power steering, power windows and power payments!

'Let's begin your exam with a simple coordination test. Swipe your credit card.'

Home schooling recomended

'Mr. President, the Post Office is going broke because the poor can't afford to buy postage.'-'No problem - we'll just issue them STAMP stamps!

"Oops! My mistake, I gave you the yearly budges estimate for supplies, not the monthly estimate."

"It upsets me when they use words like 'disembowel' in our budget meetings."

Elderly couple sits in living room with wall sign that states: God Bless our Reverse Mortgage.

'Sorry son, no pocket money. I've only a minimum wage.'

Bomers and Bummer

Locker Tax.

'His favorite show is the one about saving money by switching insurance.'

"Do you give estimates?"

"Sum yourself up in three words"