Budget-conscious Duo Gifts

'Unless you rob a bank or get a raise in the next 5 minutes, there's nothing here we can afford.'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

'You're clearly not well, just keep taking these until we run out of them.'

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

'Of course, that bid's just an estimate.'

Rx. Warning: May cause sudden loss of income.

'All I said was,two could live as cheaply as one until you gave up dieting.'

Affordable housing

Low income vampires.

'If the 750ml and th 375ml of the '82 Beaumont are too pricey, how about their Merlot-scented auto air freshener? -- Only 99 cents.'

"Why doesn't the budget ax ever fall in the produce department?"

'At these prices I won't be able to say much!'

The cost of Halloween.

One upside-down tomato planter. I can't wait for juicy, free tomatoes. It's $23.37 with tax. Not bad for homegrown tomahtas. Plus $8 for potting soil, $15 for the hanger, $11 for organic fertilizer, $16 � Hey! � Where are you going? To the "Pick and Save" market.

Good vision? Save Money - Tiny Type Books.

"Please tell me it's a local call..."

'Was I wrong in thinking that diamonds are a girl's best friend?'

"I told you that a £50 facelift was a bad idea!"

'We only want small portions. I'm counting my calories and he's counting his pennies.'

"Our water bill is sky high. You've got to start taking shorter showers."

"Let's talk about how we're not all going to buy anything this fall."

"Your meat is too expensive. Aren't you passing your 'free range' savings onto the customer?"

Woman looking at "Get Well" cards which have been divided into two sections: "Insured" and "Uninsured".

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines, are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"A MOHAWK is what I get for asking for an affordable hair cut?!"

'Where is the cheapest place to get a beer?'

'I'm on a fixed income, so these free offers are most welcome.'

"That's out of my price range. Do you have anything that's free?"

"Uninsured? That needn't be a problem. We can refer you to a very fine doctor in Ottawa."

Become a California Teacher

Fresh skinless and boneless chicken

£17 for a haircut? No, £2 for a haircut and £15 for search fees.

I'd like a refund please. Christmas cost me an arm and a leg this year!