Budget Banter Enthusiast Gifts

"My only problem with fiscal restraint is the restraint part."

'I like the jib of their cuts.'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'Let's go home and come back next year. It's Ground Hog Deficit!'

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

DIY marriage counseling.

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'They never quite finished it - it was probably over budget.'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

The spend is high

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

'You're clearly not well, just keep taking these until we run out of them.'

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

Family planning - 'I was thinking something low maintenance.'

The Art of Bantering!

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

How to make sure he won't see his shadow.

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

'You're looking well.'