Buddhist-in-training Gifts

'I consider the Buddha to be a living document.'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"What's your project for the science fair, Arnold?"

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

"Did you unpack your baggage yourself?"

"Hoarder."

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

Om and Ommer

"Not lengthways you idiot!!"

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

'It's called a 'hat' -- you tip it to women instead of hitting them over the head with a club.'

ME, MEDITATING ON NO-SELF

Buddhist Center

Nervous Buddha

"Psst! I got mantras. You need a mantra? Mantras right here..."

Levitation Man Avoids Angry Husband.

'My name is John and I haven't had a think for 36 days.'

'Make me one with everything.'

Third eye

"I spy with my mind's eye..."

'Enlightenment does that to some people.'

'I consider the Buddha to be a living document.'

The Sound Of One Hand Clapping.

"Sometimes, you will be asked to go days without Netflix."

"The Dalai Llama."

"Now that I'm enlightened, I have to admit: I kind of miss the suffering."

"Of course, that's just my opinion. Richard Gere's views may be somewhat different."

"Nothing happens next. This is it."

"Magic is my true passion."

Zen things to do before you reincarnate

"Not fair, he's got a bigger cushion."