Modern Monk In Training Gifts

"Sometimes, you will be asked to go days without Netflix."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"Showoff"

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."

"I'm going on a retreat."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Zenboni

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

Whoa, easy on the details, brother! This may be shrunk down for an e-book someday.

Meditation vs. Vegetation

'I invited God to be one of my friends on Facebook and he's turned me down!'

Cable Bill.

Computer literate Monk

'I seriously doubt if you've attained Nirvana yet - You've only been fasting and meditating for fifteen minutes.'

"O.K., God – please delete everything I said today."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

Zen Master Huineng

"No, wait. What if the cop character is the murderer, and the mobster guy is completely innocent?"

"Dear Bad-Karma, to assist you at this busy time, I've drawn up a list of people you may have missed."

Pray as you Go.

Someone being taught how to conduct an orchestra.

"Do you have anything that will help me get rid of an irritating mantra?"

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

'I am not, metaphysically speaking, as loopy as you seem to believe.'

'Today's sermon is from St. Matthew, Chapter Five....'