Modern Monk In Training Pillows

"Sometimes, you will be asked to go days without Netflix."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"Showoff"

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

"I'm going on a retreat."

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Zenboni

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

Cable Bill.

Computer literate Monk

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"O.K., God – please delete everything I said today."

'I seriously doubt if you've attained Nirvana yet - You've only been fasting and meditating for fifteen minutes.'

Zen Master Huineng

"No, wait. What if the cop character is the murderer, and the mobster guy is completely innocent?"

"Dear Bad-Karma, to assist you at this busy time, I've drawn up a list of people you may have missed."

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

'I am not, metaphysically speaking, as loopy as you seem to believe.'

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

Someone being taught how to conduct an orchestra.

"Do you have anything that will help me get rid of an irritating mantra?"

Thou Art Here.

'Today's sermon is from St. Matthew, Chapter Five....'