Modern-day Monk Gifts

Cable Bill.

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

Trappist Monk Discord

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"Showoff"

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

"I'm going on a retreat."

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

'Exams were harder before the Renaissance.'

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Trappist talk show.

Zenboni

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

'I believe you're thinking of leaving us, Brother?'

'I wish Brother Gregory would spend less time surfing the 'net.''

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"O.K., God – please delete everything I said today."

Zen Master Huineng

Computer literate Monk

"Dear Bad-Karma, to assist you at this busy time, I've drawn up a list of people you may have missed."

A friar