Modern Monk Gifts

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

A monk watches TV in his zen garden.

'Yep, I'm alone.'

'My koan is to comprehend the sound of one hand clapping.' 'Mine is to figure out how this smart card works.'

'I don't have the heart to tell him that electric typewriters aren't REALLY the latest thing.'

'I keep mine on my IPod.'

Buddhist selfie

"No, I'm not climbing up here to learning the meaning of life. I'm trying to get a signal on my phone."

"All of my manifestations are currently busy however your prayer is important to me so please..."

"I'm not looking up any scriptures. The church doesn't have WiFi and I'm out of data."

Elevator to Enlightenment

"I'm going on a retreat."

Prayer used to be the reason we bowed our heads.

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"Well, THAT'S not working."

"Do you have somewhere I can charge my phone?"

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

'This will help me find the wisdom of the ages and increase my penis size...'

'Dropped calls aren't my problem. My problem are dropped cell phones.'

"I'm on deuteronomy."

Mobile Interrupts Meditation

Texting Monks.

'Today's sermon is from St. Matthew, Chapter Five....'

catholic confession via mobile phone in a confessions box

'I hired a decorator.'

'I don't have the heart to tell him that electric typewriters aren't REALLY the latest thing.'

'Actually I'm meditating on a bizarre anime that I saw last night.'

"I'm going on a retreat."

"O.K., God – please delete everything I said today."

"Go ahead, I can listen and text."

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."