Buddhist Monk Gifts

"Possible side effects include disharmony, lack of oneness, and blurred third-eye vision."

Dot Om.

"Showoff"

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

Zenboni

"Dear Bad-Karma, to assist you at this busy time, I've drawn up a list of people you may have missed."

If you're at the highest level of consciousness and you know it, clap one hand

Dalai Lama

Zen VD Clinic - one hand clap

'Poor old Goopta - He was at the very brink of true inner peace, and then his HICCUPS started.'

"Did I seriously reach a higher plane of existence for this?"

Zen Master Huineng

"You must lose your attachments."

Meditation vs. Vegetation

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

"I'm going on a retreat."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Hoarder."

Monk and Bible and Devil Page Marker

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

Whoa, easy on the details, brother! This may be shrunk down for an e-book someday.

'I invited God to be one of my friends on Facebook and he's turned me down!'

Cable Bill.

A monk illuminating a book with quill pen

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.