Browsing Humor Pillows

"I remember the days of skim, 1% and even 2%. Now, it's right to the whole milk section."

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

Ruddy bloggers!

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

Apricots

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

Dog training

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

"You might want to get that fly off your face."

"You have a really lousy sense of humor."

'You can hit out of the trap or take a 2 stroke penalty.'

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"In school I got punished for copying, yet now it's all I'm asked to do."

"Would you mind if my new friend Ted joins us?

"Yes, I know darling, getting a sore throat is bad: it really hurts to swallow..."

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

'I perched on Blackbeard's shoulder for three years, then went to work for Long-John Silver...'

"Can you give me some you haven't chewed on already."