Home Browsing Humorist Pillows

"Just browsing."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Did you get my tweet?"

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"She looks just like in your photos."

Yard Sale

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

Advertising on the internet.

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Twitter that!

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

Facebook For Dogs.

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

"There is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. Lol. Winky face."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

"Just right click, save as, and now you own the complete works of William Shakespeare."