Brochure Muncher Gifts

"I'm putting you on a high fiber diet. You can start by eating this brochure."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

"Always faithful to arrive early and, of course, get the dibs on the jelly doughnuts."

Alphabet soup

"We specialize in corporate slogans, business brochures and annual reports to shareholders..."

"I just spoon-fed the media a pound of really old salmon."

'Your manuscript was delicious.'

Here's the college for me! It's totally green. Let's see. I though you wanted warm weather. Look at the brochure. There's no snow in any of the pictures. The school is in Minnesota. Wow! Early signs of global warming. Who knew it hit college brochures first?

"They're sound bites."

"The starred items are hot and spicy."

Storefront reading "Net 'n' Nosh (Formerly Books 'n' Java)"

'Haven't you heard? We're not going to discuss the company picnic - this is the company picnic.'

"Hang on - this one's a Malteser!!"

'Surely you're not going to believe everything you see!'

New arrival in Heaven sees a Manna vending machine.

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

Theater Usher Moms.

I'm forgetting which college is which. Their brochures are all alike. University of. It's always fall or spring. Apply! There's always a multi-cultural group of kids hanging out. There's always a girl in goggles working in a science lab with an ethnic-looking prof. It's reassuring. They all celebrate their diversity in the exact same way! And charge the exact same for it!

Cake!

"Thanks for spending me hours showing me all the brochures...now I think I'll go and buy my tour on the internet."

"The food must be good here. Look at the drool on the menus."

Motivation

Go there Travel Agency.

"I can't...I mustn't...I shouldn't...I needn't....but I will."

Santa contemplates whether or not to leave presents.

'Whoa! Our waiter's online and you should see what he's saying about your tip!'

'Why not invest that money in 'Tooth Fairy PLC'? Send for a prospectus now.'

Naughty Food

'Let's get these bite-size snacks to have with our bite-size news.'

"Since when can this company afford bagels?"

'I'm highly motivated to diet. Unfortunately I'm more motivated to eat.'

"I don't care if it is the best value... next time we're just getting a MEDIUM popcorn!"

Sorry, boss, I do care if I ever get back