Magazine Muncher Gifts

Play dead,

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

Full English Breakfast.

"How's everything here? Let's start with your earliest childhood memories."

Alphabet soup

"Always faithful to arrive early and, of course, get the dibs on the jelly doughnuts."

'I've told you time and again, if you didn't east so fast, you wouldn't swallow so much flotsam.'

'Vitamins A, B, C, D...Hey, Mom! - this cereal has all the recommended daily allowance of alphabet in it!'

"I just spoon-fed the media a pound of really old salmon."

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

"Sugar, trans fats, and an adorable dead baby lamb. Cash back?"

Munch Master.

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

Pizza and Related Searches.

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

"Oh, I listen to my body at meal time, but the messages aren't clear because its mouth is full!"

"They're sound bites."

"The starred items are hot and spicy."

Storefront reading "Net 'n' Nosh (Formerly Books 'n' Java)"

'Haven't you heard? We're not going to discuss the company picnic - this is the company picnic.'

A worm sits in comfort as he has just eaten 4 apples by himself...

'According to this list, this list is ranked #4 on the greatest lists of all time.'

"Hang on - this one's a Malteser!!"

"When you came down for a snack last night, did you see a plate of dog food in here?"

"Of course, he always says it's not fit for consumption. He's a foodie."

'OK, remain calm. Who's missing? Milk? Eggs? Cheese? Where'd they go? How much do they know? And will they talk?'

Theater Usher Moms.

Meditation Munchies

"The food must be good here. Look at the drool on the menus."

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

Al's Health Spa: You are what you eat.

"Just one menu for us, please. We don't want to overeat."

'I'm on a diet -- I only eat illusory things.'

Actually, it's healthier to eat smaller meals more often throughout the day.