British Television Addict Gifts

"Says here that, since Coronation Street started, there have been 86 weddings and 124 deaths."

Showbiz Awards

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

Stephen Fry

Big screen TV falling through floor

"Downton Abbey Road"

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"The end of my favorite series is near."

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

NOVA. Don't worry --- The "vacuum of space" is not that kind of vacuum.

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

Starvation Watching

Can't Touch This

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what is good on Netflix.

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

"It's hard being a TV viewer trapped in the body of a student."

"It's General Douglas MacArthur."

The cradle of mankind

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"Can you do battle with him later?... He's watching, 'Game of Thrones'."

Triceratops watching television with satellite dish made from own horns.

'Anything good on?' TV replies 'No.'

'Dear, you're not supposed to take it seriously...it's a reality show!'

Oh, the usual. They're watching 'American Idol' and I'm watching Americans idle.