British Television Addict Pillows

Showbiz Awards

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"Downton Abbey Road"

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

Big screen TV falling through floor

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"The end of my favorite series is near."

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

The cradle of mankind

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

'Anything good on?' TV replies 'No.'

'Dear, you're not supposed to take it seriously...it's a reality show!'

"It's General Douglas MacArthur."

"Is anything good on?"

Triceratops watching television with satellite dish made from own horns.