Bridge Whiz Pillows

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

The first car accident.

"You keep impeccable time."

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

Paper to boy: 'Did you forget something? I'm your take home test.'

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

The Invention of the Wheel

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

Man on a unicycle trying to guard credit from nasty 'Bankruptcy'.

'I need both hands for steering.'

"I'm recommending more video games. I'm worried about his hand eye coordination."

Apex Dictionaries Co - sign reads: Clowsed,bak at too.

'This is just the first step -- next, I invent the Teamsters' Union!'

Pollsters

'Hey! -- I invented that, too!', 'It's that nut Al-Gor again.'

First Speeding Fine.

Millipede motorist

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

"Bangin’ rims. Sears?"

Um... Can I get an 'L', Pat?

"'Thank you for sending us your manuscript,' she exclaimed. 'You're welcome,' I retorted. 'Unfortunately, it's not what we are looking for,' she opined. 'How disappointing,' I remarked."

"Maybe we should stop making them on a hill."

"Can you believe English isn't the official language here?"

"Yes, my automatic starter has the technology to start your car as well. I'll show you. Honey! Go start her car!"

Publication Day for Johnson's Dictionary

'We had to discontinue the alphabet soup -- we were getting too many libel suits.'

"Hardscrabble"

'I could pop the hood to take a look, but that would break the manufacturer's seal and void your warranty.'

'I invented them yesterday and Junior already has them souped up.'

"I'm going to call it zero."