Breakfast Explorer T-Shirts

"It's technically a milkshake, but if I call it a 'smoothie,' I can have it for breakfast."

'You HAD to buy the cheap knockoff.'

'We'd rather have a bowl of Cow-Cow Plops!'

Picking pastries.

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Let's just go in and see what happens."

'You learn how to make dough later. For now, you're on a knead-to-know basis.'

Countervailing Clichés.

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

French Early Bird

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

Great moments in 'Haute Cuisine'. . . America gives the world the Donut Sandwich.

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

It was then that Cervantes was inspired.

Breakfast surreal.

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

'And here on our left you see the sugary cereal aisle...a real crowd pleaser!'

Cafe Momus from La Boheme

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

Kid goes to Hideaway Bakery and sees a sign for a sale on upside down cakes. Cakes are upside down.

"There you go bra. Double flat white and homage to Rothko's Seagram series."

"No dear- I said I was going to buy you a big PROPER TEA!"

"You know Grandma, I can't remember the last time I had my appetite spoiled."

'I'm writing my dissertation on Latte Sizes.'

'It's not that I'm stupid. I'm lactose intolerant and on a diet.'

"... Wine list? No, we don't have a wine list! Perhaps I can get sir something from the vending machine?"

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

"Congratulations! For checking the fridge 30 times in under an hour, you've won something that you actually want to eat!"

'What the devil is that?' - 'I don't know, I haven't named it yet.'

'It's the same as our regular Angels hair pasta, but with extra grease.'

'Mom, I don't care how high in fiber they are. Broccoli flakes are going to fail as a breakfast cereal.'

"We make all our cupcakes with love, which is way cheaper than real vanilla."

Wife at breakfast: 'We're out of sugar - how about chocolate milk on your cereal?'

"Come now, Gracie! Squash is a great vegetable...it can be fried, sliced, baked, steamed or boiled...before you refuse to eat it."