Breakfast Detective T-Shirts

A recent scientific study has concluded that toast and marmalade may be hazardous to your health.

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'Coffee must wear you out. They're always sleepy when they drink it.'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

Have you got your make up on yet?

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

Breakfast surreal.

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"Don't tell him anything."

'Here ya' go, sweetie. Our Key Lime Pie.'

'Mine was stone cold.'

CSI Fridays

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

'They are poached eggs, sir -- we grabbed them when the chicken wasn't looking!'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

Plane with banner shoots at another.

"Are there any reports of illness at this table?"

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'