Breakfast Detective T-Shirts

A recent scientific study has concluded that toast and marmalade may be hazardous to your health.

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'Coffee must wear you out. They're always sleepy when they drink it.'

Have you got your make up on yet?

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"How 'local' is the fish?"

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

Breakfast surreal.

"Don't tell him anything."

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

'They are poached eggs, sir -- we grabbed them when the chicken wasn't looking!'

'Mine was stone cold.'

Plane with banner shoots at another.

'Here ya' go, sweetie. Our Key Lime Pie.'

How is your soup, sir? Speaking for myself, it looks pretty good. I can't speak for the fly, of course.

CSI Fridays

"Are there any reports of illness at this table?"