Bourgeois Humorists Gifts

"Actually, we met in the Hamptons this summer. You chased me off your lawn."

Polly txt speak

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Due to government surveillance, is my allowance taxable?'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

The First Fire Stick

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Alien embryo growing in earth.

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

"She's a miniature."

Giant Monster in Bath

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

Baby being fed using a lego construction.

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"He looks just like your husband."

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

"No, being declawed is the opposite of being a cyborg!"

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'

'No worries Grizella, let me call my 'eye of newt' guy...'

The White House: Some Assembly Required.

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

Climbing with the baby