Suburban Humorists Gifts

Porch Pirate

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

Cash Machines From Across the Land

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

Suburban street.

The return of Miss Subways

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

"Tony and Stephanie are from Iowa."

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

Autumn Leaves

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

"It's been a rainy winter."

"Your rose dust gets into everything, and your caladiums attract toads; and another thing: your damn marigolds are stinking up the whole area."

Robinia Floribunda

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

Manhole Warning

Cook complaining to milkman

"Well, Charles, it wasn't a 'pesky little wasp,' it was a hummingbird."

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

"I told you everyone was moving out of the city!"

'Well, that's just great...zombies! There goes the neighbourhood!'

'And me fresh out of xanax.'

Chugger