Suburban Comedian Gifts

"I wonder if Eminem would like to come and have a go at our neighbours..."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

Suburban street.

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

The return of Miss Subways

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

Beep' 'beep' 'beep' 'beep'' - 'Slam!' - 'Great... another long week of pain and humiliation ahead...' - ''Click'' - 'God, Ilove my job.' - '' -

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

Autumn Leaves

Things Women Never Say: 'Sorry I'm late boss. I was talking to my husband and he wouldn't stop listening.'

Need a Lawyer?

"Your rose dust gets into everything, and your caladiums attract toads; and another thing: your damn marigolds are stinking up the whole area."

"It's been a rainy winter."

65. Whenever I'm in the mood to watch the rest of the world go by, I simply keep to the legal speed limit.

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

Metrocard error messages

Robinia Floribunda

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

"Regular, grande, or lemon latte?"

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

Cook complaining to milkman

Being vertically challenged, I never realized my dream of becoming a pro basketball player. But on a trip to work, it was just like I was a hoops star! I spilled some coffee when walking. I dribble whenever my feet are in motion. I took a selfie when I stopped at the ATM - it was a nice bank shot. Then as I neared the office, I came down the lane - and made an impressive display of driving and dunking. I should be getting a big shoe sponsorship contract any day now!