Suburban Comedian Gifts

"I wonder if Eminem would like to come and have a go at our neighbours..."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

The return of Miss Subways

Suburban street.

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

Beep' 'beep' 'beep' 'beep'' - 'Slam!' - 'Great... another long week of pain and humiliation ahead...' - ''Click'' - 'God, Ilove my job.' - '' -

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

Autumn Leaves

"Regular, grande, or lemon latte?"

Metrocard error messages

"It's been a rainy winter."

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

"Your rose dust gets into everything, and your caladiums attract toads; and another thing: your damn marigolds are stinking up the whole area."

Need a Lawyer?

Robinia Floribunda

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."