Bourgeois Banter Gifts

"My one big fear is that I might get a jury of your peers."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

'We need to boost our earnings by giving our earnings a boost.'

You said you wanted to speak to the chairman of Zapco Steel - I've just realised that's me.

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

Manager - I don't just manage, I excel!

"Rumour has it that you're after my job."

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'

Boss to employee: 'You think you've got burnout? Are you sure it's not dry rot?'

Fisher, this memo of yours, it needs more punch

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"Jane is sales, Fred is accounting, and Johnny's song and dance."

"I finally got that order off Benson last night. He signed it with a chopstick and soya sauce."

"I love this work-from-home concept. Now I can fire someone without going to the office."

"I'll need to see your responsible service of alcohol certificate."

"Hire him, I want to watch his enthusiasm die."

"Ssssh. . . it's time for his verbal warning."

"This is a computer speaking. I will now misconnect you and your party."

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

'You don't understand, Hartwell -- the handshake WAS your Christmas bonus.'

'Dang it, nothing but junk mail'

Watch overhead if you want to improve product delivery. Bridge financing could figure.

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'