Boomer Banterers Gifts

"That? Oh, uh yah...that was Stuart."

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

'No way, man! Murphy isn't worth anywhere near the 3.5 million they're paying him!'

"We've been married so long you not only finish my sentences you start 'em too."

'All you do is stare at the TV. When I was a kid we have to be content with staring at the radio.'

"You mock, sir—you mock a sport storied and beloved. I, sir, pity you."

David Letterman

The world of Freudian slips...

Old hippie

"At our age I figure we only have two taste buds left. One for vodka and one for wine."

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

'Congratulations! He hasn't got MRSA.'

A young man replying cheekily to an older gentleman

'I called it first!'

Oap recruitment.

"I said I USED TO BE A BABY BOOMER!"

"I took a viagra before going to the senior citizen's dance, last night, and I couldn't get anyone to come to my place. So there I stood, all dressed up and no place to go!"

'Hey, Flower! That crabgrass put a perfectly legal chokehold on you! Stop your whining!'

Hairstyle Inspiration

'I, Horace Windsock-Trumpintub, being of sound mind...'

"Don’t look at me. You’re the one who brought him the newspaper."

"Now they'll never know who's on first."

Leave it to Boomer

"They've got Hank on some of that medical marijuana."

"I wouldn't have thought baby boomers could still do cannonballs."

'...Brad says he stuck a dime up his nose when he was 3 and he's betting us $50 that it's still in there.'

Ask me a question! I need practice. With what? Across the country, partisan radio hosts have gotten so angry lately. I haven't kept up. I need practice being mean. I'm being outclassed. C'mon people! Sadie needs you. Ask for … her advice. Prepare to get mercilessly ridiculed! Sounds like a blast.

'I won't be frittering my bonus away on booze and stuff.' ... 'I'll drink to that.'

"You know, Einstein never watched any great television until after he was forty."

'If dodos are extinct, how do you explain our foreign policy?'

"This will lighten your mood, Dick - every few minutes, a baby boomer turns fifty."

'I don't mind being turned down for a date, but I hate it when they say I 'missed the cut'.'

"Son, everyone went to college in the sixties - there was a war going on."