Boomer Humorist Gifts

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

Middle-Age Superheroes

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

Emergency Hipster Beard

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

Once Again Jeff Had Put Too Much Helium In The Party Balloons.

Gangsta wrap.

Hipster Police Department

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"This birthday qualified him to be tapped as a fossil fuel reserve."

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

White Flight. Beautification. Gentrification. Plain Old Rich.

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

Big Birthday Boy Breakfast.

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"Who knew a lifeless box could spread such fear? It came from the mailbox."

'I wish I could look just like Elvis.'

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

"It's like every year my fear gets a little worse."

"It came... it grew... it made Nana say bad words... 'Ow! You rotten #@!!×!' The invasion of the thistle"

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

"I got a chocolate bar and gum!" "What the #!@* is 'CBD oil'?!"

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

Annuals, Perennials, Centennials, Millennials

Happy Birthday!

"Roots, figs, water, mammoth meat, and... um... Ugh! Me never remember shopping list!"

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."