Boomer Humorist Pillows

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

Once Again Jeff Had Put Too Much Helium In The Party Balloons.

Gangsta wrap.

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

Hipster Police Department

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

Big Birthday Boy Breakfast.

"I got a chocolate bar and gum!" "What the #!@* is 'CBD oil'?!"

"Who knew a lifeless box could spread such fear? It came from the mailbox."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

"It came... it grew... it made Nana say bad words... 'Ow! You rotten #@!!×!' The invasion of the thistle"

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

Annuals, Perennials, Centennials, Millennials

"Roots, figs, water, mammoth meat, and... um... Ugh! Me never remember shopping list!"

Happy Birthday!

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

"Not moonshine - small batch, artisanal grain alcohol."