Boomer Banterer Gifts

"I took a viagra before going to the senior citizen's dance, last night, and I couldn't get anyone to come to my place. So there I stood, all dressed up and no place to go!"

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"This stool shall pass."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Macho talk from down in accounting.

'This isn't a non-profit-making organization you know! Or at least, it wasn't until you started working here!'

"An open one-to-one environment is what you want, an open one-to-one environment is what you get, Ms Praed."

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

'You've had enough!'

A breakthrough moment for the Wright brothers. How about some wings with that?

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

"Sipsies?"

"That? Oh, uh yah...that was Stuart."

"Bono is nice, and Bono cares, but I really dig Barry Manilow."

'All you do is stare at the TV. When I was a kid we have to be content with staring at the radio.'

David Letterman

CartoonStock Upload"You are an all-round good guy!"

'Hey carrot-breath! You still mad cause we ran you a little today? Hounds gotta make a living too, ya know.'

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

Special Euro 2020 Menu: Humble Pie

'Stop me when I start extolling the virtues of socialism.'

'Congratulations! He hasn't got MRSA.'

Official Whore Artist/Official Piss Artist

"It's the big guy."

Global Warming: American BBQ.

'I, along with some of the other employees, feel you're abusing the breakroom.'

"I said I USED TO BE A BABY BOOMER!"

What year is this? Pardon? Aromatic. Full-bodied. Very approachable. Buttery. Swish swish swish. Yet with aggressive undertones, and an unforgiving aftertaste. Acidic after all. I should like another year. Something crisp yet dry. It's instant decaf coffee brewer with tap water! He's quite aggressive. And not so full-bodied. Pretentious people stink.

"Things are going well, so I may as well ask: how about those Mets? Ha-ha, just kidding. The tail. Please fix this tail thing."

Yeah, but I hear she lays a mean Scotch egg.

Baseball player: 'I'll let my bat do my talking!' BAT: '...I have nothing to say'

'I stand corrected...things can get worse.'

"My business model is the same as my drinking model."