Boastful Banter Gifts

Mothers. . . have no shame.

'If you're worried what to say you do for a living at your reunion, just tell them you recently bought a large stake in a local brewery.'

Heart To Heart

"Don’t worry. You’re looking at the Frederick H. Tuttle Middle School long-jump champion."

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'Bragging at the Old Physicists' & Old Writers' Home.'

"Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there. I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have got to go."

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

'Oh yeah, well, MY DADDY can scare ELEPHANTS!'

"Sure, you're an elephant, but you're not at all elephantine."

"Yes, you look presentable. Now get on!"

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

Albatross bragging about his latest catch...

'And that's only the size of the fly.'

'I still have all my own teeth but my head is false.'

'See! I told you my dad is a boxer!'

'We were playing doctor until she hit me with a malpractice suit!'

"I felt the Earth Move!"

Man sticking his tongue out at his boss.

#1 Jerk-off

"The All-Star Game is just a fun way to decide which league will host the San Francisco Giants' next championship romp.*"

"Ever notice that you finish my sentences and. . ."

'I've been lucky with men - I haven't met any yet...'

'I think of my 'bald-patch' as a solar panel for a sex-machine!'

'I didn't invent fire, but I like to think I've perfected playing with it.'

Liar's Club fish

'I'm telling you it was this big!' - Anglers Wives

Brunette girlfriend " I quite like your beard. You are only half as ugly now."

"Tonight: date with an angel: gonna meet her at seven: be on my way to heaven. Get the picture, Bob?"

"Not to brag, but I once blew a vaping cloud so big the Met Office gave it a name."

"Have you ever thought about climbing the highest mountain?"

'I'm a failure as a manager and husband.'

'Look out... here comes the Trumpet Voluntary.'

'You're stiff from too much grovelling and I'm afraid it doesn't count as an occupational disease.'