Boastful Banter Gifts

Mothers. . . have no shame.

'If you're worried what to say you do for a living at your reunion, just tell them you recently bought a large stake in a local brewery.'

Heart To Heart

"Don’t worry. You’re looking at the Frederick H. Tuttle Middle School long-jump champion."

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'Bragging at the Old Physicists' & Old Writers' Home.'

"Yes, you look presentable. Now get on!"

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

'Oh yeah, well, MY DADDY can scare ELEPHANTS!'

"Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there. I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have got to go."

"Sure, you're an elephant, but you're not at all elephantine."

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

Albatross bragging about his latest catch...

'And that's only the size of the fly.'

'I still have all my own teeth but my head is false.'

'See! I told you my dad is a boxer!'

'We were playing doctor until she hit me with a malpractice suit!'

#1 Jerk-off

Man sticking his tongue out at his boss.

"The All-Star Game is just a fun way to decide which league will host the San Francisco Giants' next championship romp.*"

"Ever notice that you finish my sentences and. . ."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, BOO! Did I scare you? Regards, Rick in Seattle. (Actual reader letter). Ask Sadie at asksadieshow@gmail.com. Yeah, I'm really scared. Aren't you, Rudy? Boo, Rudy! Boooooo! That, however, terrifies me. Sorry, you were saying? Some guy tweeted his breakfast menu.(This cartoon was originally published on 2014-07-07)

I need advice and if you ever tall anyone I asked, you're dead. Go ahead. People aren't taking me seriously. When I insult them, they don't seem that bothered. They don't cry or run away like they used to. C'mon, you're plenty offensive. Don't patronize me you @#$% meathead. Wow. Didn't bother me a bit.

"I felt the Earth Move!"

'I think of my 'bald-patch' as a solar panel for a sex-machine!'

'I've been lucky with men - I haven't met any yet...'

'I didn't invent fire, but I like to think I've perfected playing with it.'

"Not to brag, but I once blew a vaping cloud so big the Met Office gave it a name."

"Tonight: date with an angel: gonna meet her at seven: be on my way to heaven. Get the picture, Bob?"

Brunette girlfriend " I quite like your beard. You are only half as ugly now."

'I'm telling you it was this big!' - Anglers Wives

Liar's Club fish

'I'm a failure as a manager and husband.'

"Have you ever thought about climbing the highest mountain?"

'Look out... here comes the Trumpet Voluntary.'