Boastful Storytellers Gifts

'I'm telling you it was this big!' - Anglers Wives

Noah's life jacket demonstration

I just made up that part. It should really throw people for a loop if they find this place thousands of years from now!

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"Dad, my web toon characters can't be normal! They have to be stereotyped crazies who are totally abnormal!"

BOOKS ON VIDEO/BOOKS ON TAPE/READ YOUR OWN.

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

"Really, Larry? Of all the things that could have bitten you, you get a wereduck?"

'If you're worried what to say you do for a living at your reunion, just tell them you recently bought a large stake in a local brewery.'

"Don’t worry. You’re looking at the Frederick H. Tuttle Middle School long-jump champion."

"A tornado? Uh, yeah...that's exactly what happened, Mom, a tornado did hit my room!"

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'Oh yeah, well, MY DADDY can scare ELEPHANTS!'

They stole your identity, but after seeing your credit score, they gave it back.

'Bragging at the Old Physicists' & Old Writers' Home.'

"These are my windscreen credits."

"It'h thnowing. . .me no like thnow in thpring. . . "

"It's from the We Experience Parenthood More Fully Than You collection."

Albatross bragging about his latest catch...

The little old lady who lived in a shoe looks into a mobile home.

Your parents created a talking gerbil to save their marriage? That's the gist of it. And it didn't work. They found that a talking gerbil can't help people overcome their real differences. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. If only I'd been a better rodent. Oh, how I used to talk back. Too weird. Still like me?

"When we left off last night, we were on page 15 of the National Intelligence Estimate. "

'And that's only the size of the fly.'

'And he's so-o-o-o knowledgeable about wine. He must have spent an hour telling me about his trip to Chardonnary.'

"Yes, I know I only caught a lizard - it's called artistic license, Mildred!"

'See! I told you my dad is a boxer!'

'I still have all my own teeth but my head is false.'

"Mother said she started toward the light but she's so bad with directions that she made a couple wrong turns and had to turn back."

Plato seeking platonic love on Tinder.

"I shoulda' fucked every man I ever met."

Mothers. . . have no shame.

"Tell me a whopper."

"Please turn now to 'Judy's mirror' in your copy of 'Pat the Bunny.' "

'It took me 7 hours to get him into the boat. Actually, it's fake, and it took me 10 minutes to buy it off the Internet.'