Boastful Banterer Gifts

'I still have all my own teeth but my head is false.'

"Don’t worry. You’re looking at the Frederick H. Tuttle Middle School long-jump champion."

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

'If you're worried what to say you do for a living at your reunion, just tell them you recently bought a large stake in a local brewery.'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

"Yes, you look presentable. Now get on!"

'Bragging at the Old Physicists' & Old Writers' Home.'

'Oh yeah, well, MY DADDY can scare ELEPHANTS!'

'You have no idea how difficult life can be when one is totally irresistible to men, Jane.'

David Letterman

Albatross bragging about his latest catch...

'And that's only the size of the fly.'

Mothers. . . have no shame.

'Did you hear about the fool who goes around saying no all the time?'

'Better ease up on the goodnatured barbs...'

'Like I told you: French is English spelt backwards!'

"Not to brag, but I once blew a vaping cloud so big the Met Office gave it a name."

'I'm telling you it was this big!' - Anglers Wives

'I didn't invent fire, but I like to think I've perfected playing with it.'

Liar's Club fish

"Tonight: date with an angel: gonna meet her at seven: be on my way to heaven. Get the picture, Bob?"

'You know perfectly well why I keep blocking your pop-ups.'

Yeah, but I hear she lays a mean Scotch egg.

"I take the fun out of everything. What do you do?"

'Of course I'm not suggesting a one night stand... we would be lying down.'

'If dodos are extinct, how do you explain our foreign policy?'

"Have you ever thought about climbing the highest mountain?"

'Look out... here comes the Trumpet Voluntary.'

"How are you getting along with your French lodger?"

'At Hyperbole Club'.